Tuesday, December 11, 2012

radio silence.

Hello internet! I apologize for disappearing over the weekend. My goal here is to try to post at least once a day, most days. That little stretch was the longest I've gone without touching the blog since it started. I'll try not to do that again, especially since a big personal purpose of this blog is to establish some routine and consistency for myself while I am on medical leave.

I am not so good with routine and consistency in general, unless it is an obligation to someone/something I perceive as an authority. At work? Oh, I will do my work. I will have the routine down all the way to the obligatory tears on the ride home because I didn't accomplish enough

But when it comes to myself? I don't really care. Stay in my pajamas all day on Sunday because I'm feeling depressed? Sure. Don't leave the house at all because you feel depressed, which makes you feel more depressed, which it turn makes you even more unable to muster the will to get dressed and leave the house? Go with it, man. Let the episodes of SVU roll. Wait it out until its late enough that you can just go to sleep tonight. (Not that this was what happened to me this weekend, or anything...)

And that's not really cool with me anymore. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of not being important enough to myself to establish routine and consistency in my life, not because there's an authority figure to report to, but because I've decided it is worth it. I spent a very long time establishing unhealthy routines (cue the Sunday night workweek anxiety, like clockwork), and now it's time to let those unravel and weave into something else-- something new and better.

Not easy to do, but worth the pursuit. I believe that.

I also tend to operate on extremes. If I'm not doing something ALL THE WAY, I'm likely to throw up my hands and not pursue it at all. So I'm going to remind myself of something wise a reader wrote a few posts back: progress, not perfect. I need that tattooed on my forehead. And then a small compact mirror to carry so that I can always see it. 

life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful inspiration print
Wonderful Life print available from Etsy shop Hairbrained Schemes.