Wednesday, November 21, 2012

executive decision.

So, I was thinking about the tagline for this here blog: Anxiety Recovery + Apartment Redos. I came up with it as a way to describe what I'm doing here in a handful of words (and to make evident my love of semi-alliterative phrases). But the more I think about it, there's one word in there that really doesn't sit well with me: recovery.

Maroney Obama meme
Not buying it. (Photo by Pete Souza for the White House.)

Anxiety recovery? Probably not a thing.

I've written about the differences between physical and mental conditions before, and I do believe that they often go hand in hand, despite public pereption.


I can recover from a cold. I can recover from a broken leg. I do not know, barring magical medical miracles, that I will ever fully recover from being anxious. That seems disingenuous, and I apologize.

At this point, I recognize that this way of thinking has colored my view of the world for my entire life, so I doubt the possibility of completely eradicating it. Banishing it to a dusty, cobwebby, rarely-visited corner deep down somewhere in my mind? Sure. But I don't know that it will go away forever.

Will I be recovered in 12 weeks after a medical leave? No. But will removing one of the (if not THE) main stressors in my life for a while allow me to recooperate and become healthier and stronger (both physically and emotionally) in order to better manage stress in the future? Yes, it seems so.

I can't tell you how much I wish it would just go away; that I could go back to my job, which has so many positive, lovely aspects, and be able to be happy doing it without constantly feeling like I am being scrutinized by large groups of people and that my performance is never up to par. Without constantly hearing reels of criticism play in the back of my mind, and without feeling utterly defeated by day's end. I wish I could do it without being miserable. Maybe I will be able to. Maybe I'll be well enough to manage those feelings without letting them overtake me. That is the hope.

So don't worry, fellow lovers of semi-alliteration. I present to you: Anxiety Management + Apartment Makeovers.