Monday, January 9, 2012

On Exiting Israel, by January blogger of the month Rebekah Dickman

On Exiting Israel

Welcome to another exciting episode of life in a foreign land! Ready to play?
Your challenge - if you choose to accept it - is to successfully make it through the security at the Ben Gurion International airport in time to catch your flight. You have three hours to complete this mission. Failure to complete all sections will result in time-consuming detention and possible loss of limb.
Task #1 (Optional):  The front door
If you are one of the lucky ones, you might find that you have an extra security check before entering the airport! (It would be inadvisable at this point to joke about the Ninja throwing stars in your carry-on).
Task #2:  The Maze
Find your airline and enter the correct corral. Presentation of your passport is required. Correctly interpreting the orders of the agent at the gate to the corral will gain you bonus points.
Task #3:  The Interrogation
Step up to the “nice” security agent with the large firearm and answer correctly the questions posed. Questions such as: “Why are you in this country”, “Is this your first trip to Israel”, “Do you have family here” and “Did you know Hebrew before you came” are commonplace. Bonus points for making it through the entire recitation of ‘why I wanted to go to school in Israel despite having no family or friends in the country and not speaking the language’ without cracking a smile.
Task #4:  The First X-ray
Present your barcode from task 3 and deposit your luggage into the x-ray machine. Do not forget to pick up your luggage on the other side, as you will need to proceed to task 5. Unfortunately choosing to ditch the luggage at this point will only make matters worse.
Task #5: The Search
Quickly unpack all of your carefully arranged items so a substance detection wand can be passed over each and every item. Multiple times. Bonus points for not setting off any alarms and for not having any items punctured, sniffed, scanned, confiscated or any deviation of previously said actions.
Task #6: Halfway Through
You have made it to the resting point! Congratulate yourself by handing your luggage off to a ticketing agent and getting your official boarding pass! But don’t stop now, there is much more fun to be had.
Task #7: The Second X-ray
Remember not only to remove your computer, ipod, ipad, cell phone, charger(s), and headphones and any other electronics or you will have to repeat this task. Make sure to get your shoes cleaned by the friendly agent on the other side of the x-ray! Bonus points for not giggling as you are selected to aid training the new security guard on how to thoroughly hand-frisk passengers.
Task #8:  The Scrum
Last chance to turn back! Enter the hall of the exit stamp. Lines in this section are strictly optional. If you see a gap, go for it. Remember to stay close to the person in front of you or you are likely to loose your spot. Personal space is also optional.
Once stamped, you have successfully made it through security and may enter the departure lounge.

Congratulations on your success!

Safe travels and have an enjoyable holiday. We look forward to tormenting you on your next trip. If you are flying El Al, we will see you on your return trip!