Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A Change of Heart

I am writing this upon hearing of the death of our second friend within the span of one week. One was 29 years old. The other was 41. My heart... I cannot hold back tears without thinking of their families. Their parents. Their young babies. 

My heart has been changed. I am not going to continue working as much as I have been. Working as hard as I have been. Letting Squish play trains with our housekeeper so that instead I can respond to 32 emails and return phone calls and figure out when I have time to go to Dallas to find wholesale pillow inserts and check on the status of a shipment stuck in customs and fix the millionth thing that hasn't run smoothly with my website.

I am stepping back. Not stopping completely, but rearranging things so that I have more time to focus on those I care about most. 

Talking to a dear friend this morning about our latest loss, she brought Psalm 39:4-7 to my attention.

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered - how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is a breath. We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. 

Life is not about what we obtain or what we achieve. It is about what we are given, or rather, what we are blessed with. Who can ever know when the last look into your husband's or child's eyes will come? 

I came across a quote this weekend: At the end of the day, you can focus on what's tearing you apart, or what's holding you together. My family holds me together. God holds me together. So I choose the latter.